2020-06-09_0005How the world has changed since my last blog post.

I’m not really sure how to start or where to begin really.

I don’t feel any words I write will really do justice to the enormity of the situation or could adequately sum up the many feelings I have about it.

The world has just ‘stopped’.

I have debated about posting images to my Facebook page and blog. I don’t want people to think I am ignoring any social distancing rules or that I’m not taking the pandemic seriously. I for one, am in support of lockdown and believe it should have happened sooner. Our family have abided by all rules set out by the Government. The photos in this post are personal family photos, I have not taken any photos of anyone other than my immediate family. I realise there will be people who are frightened or grieving and I don’t want it to appear that none of that means anything and I’m just happily taking photos. But I also think that hope and happiness are important in times like this. I’ve really enjoyed seeing what other people have been doing during their lockdown experience.The rainbows appearing everywhere at the moment have been very special, and to be honest, what better time is there for making wishes.

These photos were actually all taken within the grounds of the college we currently live at. My husband is studying at the moment and the college he is enrolled in has family accommodation for those who have had to re-locate with family to study there. It is set in a very rural location and has grounds which we are able to use without seeing any members of the public. These photos were taken on one of our daily evening walks, where we escape our third floor flat for an hour.

Lockdown for us personally has not been that hard. I’m not working anyway right now. All of my husbands lectures have been online via zoom so he doesn’t even need to leave the house. The children’s schools are shut. So we are at home in our little bubble. Other than having to leave the house for essential supplies we are safe. We do live in a flat without a garden which with three children isn’t ideal, but we do have access to the college grounds which are private and really quite beautiful. The views are amazing and it feels more like a retreat than a college.

We’ve always been a family that really enjoys each others company. The more time we spend together the better we all get on. Financially, the lockdown will not cause us any issues. Our children have no special needs and are all doing well in school, so there is no worry about homeschooling them or them falling behind. Having siblings means we do not need to worry about them not seeing other children for weeks and not having any one to play with. I have been able to find some comfort in watching our wider community coming together to help each other out, organising shopping and picking up prescriptions for people who are shielding or isolating. Parenting groups sharing ideas on how to keep children entertained and parents enjoying time with their children that they may not usually get. I’ve seen movie nights in the garden, at home bowling nights, indoor couples nights, garden makeovers, and how when the rat race slows down there is time for so much more. I’ve enjoyed seeing our NHS get the recognition it so rightly deserves and the environment catching a break from human destruction. I can’t say I’ve missed the chaos of school runs and after school clubs either. Lockdown has definitely made me realise that as a family we are over scheduled, and that we should re-assess exactly what is important to us, and what we should rush back to. If anything, I’m going to miss the safe little bubble we are in when everyone leaves and goes there separate ways at the end of this. I suffer with anxiety and knowing those that I most love are with me and safe everyday rather than being out there in the big wide world definitely helps with that. I realise that can’t work long term, but it’s hard to let go of. As we emerge the other side, it means less family time and although we say we’ll never take things for granted again and always appreciate every moment, we all know it’s human nature to forget.

But then comes the guilt. Huge guilt for having enjoyed our time in lockdown so much when others will have suffered so. Those who have been stuck down by the terrible disease and those who have been affected in many other ways because of the lockdown situation.

I realise lockdown isn’t so easy for others. The phrase ‘we are all in the same storm but in different boats’ I think sums it up perfectly. There will be marriages that will suffer. Women living in fear of abusers. Children living in fear of aggressive parents. Families that will go hungry. People that will lose business’ they’ve worked a life time building up. People who lose employment and/or savings. People who will have the sale of their house fall through. People who miss family members birthdays and have dream holidays cancelled. Families that will miss the birth of eagerly awaited arrivals. Grandparents that are missing cuddles from their grandchildren. Fathers that will miss scans for their unborn children. People who won’t get to attend funerals of the beloved family member. People that are struggling with mental health issues. People who are who are terrified and suffer with health anxiety. People that will be so lonely as they live on their own during this time. The list goes on.

I’ve heard that saying recently:- ‘we are all in the same storm, but we are not in the same boat’. Oh so true.

It’s very hard not being able to make any plans. Not knowing what the future holds. Theres a constant low level of anxiety bubbling away. That being said, I do think the world will get back to normal. We’ve just got to hang in there.

So for now, I’m just going to try and keep my  little family safe and keep hoping that things will get better, help others when I’m able, and do my best stay positive. For now I’ll keep doing what makes me happy – taking photos.

Stay safe everyone, hope to see you all soon.

Emmy x

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